Woke up this morning in Lakes DHB medical ward after a long day in ED. Talking to the nurses and baby docs about how they are managing gives a whole new perspective on the impact of this virus. We all know we can manage and we will, but to be on the front line and put yourself at risk takes courage and a much wider view than just taking care of our own. This is about taking care of our community and not allowing this “Social distancing” to sever the social bonds that make us a community. I am fine but I got a shake up and now it’s my responsibility to see how I can make a difference. I have started by checking in on my oldies to make sure they can get groceries and are feeling safe – little things are big things and everything matters.
Sometimes you stop and realise just how small your world has become. Spending this time with Barney has given many insights which I am grateful for and then sometimes its just total exhaustion from 24/7 care, broken sleeps and hot humid days. He is slowly losing and more of his memory and becoming too frail to do his walks the way he did before. But the problem with losing memory is that he cant be left alone at all as he forgets any instructions and forgets that he is not able to do things he remembers being able to do, like climb a ladder to get something out of a top cupboard. My life seems to have evolved to be just support for him and I am beginning to feel burned out and all I want to do is sleep for a week… or three. Thank goodness for my morning coffee escape and the wee balm business that at least gets me talking to people with real lives and the feeling that at least I am doing something useful. The hospice nurses and carers have become my social life and I am so lucky they are such delightful characters. I constantly plan to do so much and the bigger the plans the more likely the unexpected will completely demolish them – some sort of inverse relationship I have never been able to figure out.
Christmas and New Year came and went in a haze of medical emergencies and its like waking up and suddenly its March. We are going to take a trip to Whangarei at the end of March for Barneys 98th to see his family and I am looking forward to the change of scenery and the chance to get my old real camera out again and find some new ways to look as what’s around me. It’s so easy to slip into always being on alert always looking for what’s wrong and forgetting to spend time focussing on what is wonderful. Music helps and special songs bring memories close and clear keeping me smiling and inextricably linked to happier times when possibilities felt unlimited.
Perfect timing on Waitangi Day at Ohinemutu Ohinemutu – you may not be able to tell but yes that hair is unicorn tail pink in keeping with my perspective on life
It just takes the heart in your coffee to turn your mind to the ones you love, some so far away and some just not here when you need a hug. It’s like getting a coffee hug and a nod from the universe that they are thinking of you too..
It’s funny I spend all night trying to get to sleep between interruptions then all day trying to stay awake.. something wrong with this picture. Thank goodness for my morning coffee, it doesn’t actually help but it makes me feel like I have stopped to take a breath and just for a moment I can put down the weight on my shoulders and believe, at some point my path will change. So long as I don’t watch the news I can play with the thought that things will just get better and better.
Just a quick photo at the Dr Surgery, it’s still 24/7 with little sleep but slowly Mr B is improving and getting back to a new normal. Life is so fragile and so tenacious. Now I just need to get me sorted out. That’s next … I hope.
Well the hurry up and wait became surgery and now long hours at the hospital have turned into 24/7 nursing care and sleep deprivation. It’s almost Christmas but I am postponing it till I wake up. So for all my friends and family who haven’t heard from me I will pop up again soon and I hope it’s because all is well and a medical miracle but it might not be.
I took this photo at the garden Center before this last hospital visit. I would love to grow water lilies, they have a magical contemplation quality about them, but I want the great big pond and seat to go with.
It’s been a bit of a tough time these last few weeks with lots of medical, ED visits and hurry up and wait. We are facing big choices that are choosing between a rock and and a hard place and all I really want is a third option. But sitting on rock hard plastic chairs for hours brings time to play with filters and so far this is the best I think I have ever managed
I just love Peony’s, I must have taken 500 photos and that’s just with the one I grew myself. Which by the way was pretty amazing as I had bought the root in Christchurch and had it rescued and shipped up. There may be a few more photos over the next few days as I play with them, just a warning as there is a distinct possibility I may be addicted to photographing these amazing flowers – a secondary hobby to champagne collecting tho.
I love the Azaleas and Rhodies bringing a blast of colour to spring. I remember the stunning gardens at Ilam and every time I came back to Christchurch in spring I would take my mum for a picnic. But I never struck a fragrant Rhodie like this one – huge blooms and such a distinctive delicious perfume -absolutely delightful.
Today is the first fine day we have had where the wind has dropped and there are no black clouds threatening. After last nights shock loss it feels like, in some indefinable way, everything has changed. I remember many years ago we would head up to Lochmara Bay at Labour weekend to get the Bach ready for summer and it would be a time to make new plans and look forward to new possibilities. I guess sometimes change and disappointment both feel the same but each offer the possibility to use them to create something better…. or wallow with very good wine ….my new hobby is collecting champagne…. and drinking it 😁😎
The Traveling Kiwi 